Dear therapist: I am keen to adopt a child but my husband isn't

My husband and I have been married for eight years. While due to health reasons I have not been able to conceive, I am keen on adoption. I sense my husband has a mental block about it, which I find surprising and disheartening. How can I change his mind, if at all? — Name withheld

Dear Writer, I understand your wish to adopt to fulfill your maternal instincts. Being married for eight years and facing medical issues that have prevented pregnancy must be very difficult for both of you.

When you tell me you “sense” that your husband has a mental block about adoption, I wonder if you and he have had a real heart-to-heart conversation about adopting a child. Adopting a child is a big decision for both you, and it is important to talk through all the important questions, concerns, insecurities, finances... and more.

According to family and marriage research, men often need more time to think and reflect before they come back with a final decision, or they have more thoughts and questions to their clarify concerns. I suggest you and your husband agree to have discussions about adopting over a period of time. This way you both can express yourselves and hopefully come to an agreement that both of you are comfortable with. It is important to keep in mind that this is not a situation that will work if both of you don’t agree.

These conversations serve the purpose of both of you gaining clarity about adoption and what it would mean for each of you and your marriage. I sincerely hope that both of you come to an agreement that makes both of you happy.

• Dubai